Hope Is Not A Strategy!

You can blame this piece on the irritation that I get whenever I hear or see some words become overly used either on social media or in day to day interactions. These words often become a be all, without people taking the time out to analyze these words or to ask themselves if the word is really appropriate to what they want to convey. One of these words is motivation. And the second is hope. Motivation , on its own isn’t a bad word or a bad concept, it is actually a great word when used in the right context. It is a word that means to give one the push to move forward or press on but when it becomes over used, it becomes commonplace. It becomes an irritant. The second word on my irritation list is the word – hope.

Now, the word hope is  often used in a religious context which some compare to faith or /and belief. Hope is a feeling of expectation, a desire for certain things to happen. Faith is a complete trust in something or someone. Belief is the mental act, condition of having confidence in another or something. (webster dictionary) Obviously, these are all positive words but they are quite passive. You can’t use passivity as a strategy, if you want to do something, be someone , go somewhere or achieve a particular thing. You have to be active. You have to make a move. You have to actively seek opportunities that will get you where you need to be. All these words (h,f, b)speak to a mental condition but we live in a physical world.

My question often is as you hope, believe and have faith – what are you doing physically, you know in the real world? Are you changing your circumstances, are you challenging yourself, are you coming to a place of peace about certain things by actively analyzing your situation?

It is wonderful to have faith, hope and belief because they buoy your self confidence but it is better to have all these and some action (s). For example, you want to learn a particular skill or change careers. You don’t sit down at church and keep on praying that an avenue will open and fall straight into your laps. Rather you might need to analyze your skill sets to see if you have the transferable skills which might make you an asset to that organization or that career. But, those organizations and people need to know that you are available.

These are the actions that you might need to take and they are the following a) read up on the career b) critically analyze your resume to see what skills are transferable c) talk to people d) apply for positions while highlighting certain skills (soft and hard skills). e) go for some training or retraining  f) Intern or extern or volunteer in that position.These are all actions and they are not passive.

Another example , is a sick person who believes that she can get healed and God has that power to heal her. This person can sit at home, pray for healing and that healing might occur but what of if  the disease returns? That’s the reason that those who often have life time healing (physical and spiritual) often have an extra ingredient called action. This action is often a lifestyle change or taking themselves out of particular situation or noticing stressors and learning how to deal with those stressors etc. Of course, this example is for those who aren’t into medicating everything.  There is a time for medication and there are times for other changes. 

As I mentioned on my face book page last night: hope isn’t a strategy and neither is belief or faith. The strategy really is the plan and the movements you make to achieve your goals. Of course, with prayers and in my case having faith in God , you will still keep on going despite challenges because you know where you are trying to get to.

This is a very randomly written in no particular sequence article, so enjoy the randomness while getting my point and let me know what you think?  Do you believe that hope is a strategy?  Let me know!

On the natural hair tip: I love head scarves and I am loving them more with the rain and the cold winds but I am slowly learning that some styles on head scarves might be slightly inappropriate and risque for some conservative settings which you thought were casual *tongue in cheek *

Till next time!

Me.

 

 

Last Updated ( Friday, 14 February 2014 09:08 )

Is Beyonce A Feminist?

I will begin this write up by stating strongly that I am a Beyonce fan. I’ve loved her from the moment I heard Destiny’s child sing the song, ‘No NO NO with Wyclef Jean’. The love grew with the song, ‘bootylicious’ and was nailed with the song, ‘crazy in love’ which was a song that I danced to in an ultra religious circle I used to move in. Let’s call that my silent cry of protest. Ahem. I will also state as well that I am from the school of thought that when you love someone or love something, you should be able to see it for what it is and most importantly love it or the person for what they are, simple and short.

Beyonce has been under the feminist magnifying glass from the moment she sang the song, ‘independent woman’, ‘single ladies’ and feminist got even pickier when she sang the song, ‘who runs the world” Many feminist argued that there seems to be a dichotomy when one juxtaposes some of Beyonce’s raunchier and love lyrics to the militant feminist views that she espouses. She seems to be one who is unable to stand by the militancy of her ‘beliefs’. They further argue that Beyonce is playing to bubble headed bubble gum fans who do not have the required brain cells to critically analyze Beyonce and her music and see that Beyonce is really about the money and nothing more. They may have a point, particularly when you listen to songs like. ‘cater to you’ in which some might argue that she was basically advocating that women take on a slave like behavior in order to keep their men. The question really as one listens to ‘Beyonce’ in which Beyonce seems to be coming out of her shell and boldly proclaiming her stance as a feminist is, is she for real? Is Beyonce a feminist or is she just someone who is currently latching on to the feminist wave in the hopes of making more quick bucks?

To answer this question , we have to ask ourselves the most important of questions which is, ‘who is a feminist?’. She/he is simply an individual who advocates for equal rights for women. Now, it gets more complicated than this. The feminist movement is broken into several component parts based on history, race, economic strata, sexuality, class and more. Some might argue that the feminist movement is so convoluted that it does not make any sense really mentioning that movement because it leads to the question of what kind of feminist are you? This is why some women choose to call themselves womanists. A womanist is one who just believes that there is a need to critically analyze systems (with particular emphasis on the patriarchal) that seem bent on keeping women at a disadvantage. A womanist aims to either equalize the playing field or to ensure that the rules are not set up in such a way that only a particular kind of person (normally male) is set up to win. A womanist believes that women come with their own particular stories and backgrounds and as such they should be allowed to use their own particular brand of color to paint their own pictures and as long as they espouse the need to question, then they are welcome. So, we return to this question: is Beyonce a feminist or womanist icon?

Beyonce is just herself. Beyonce never set herself up to be anyone’s role model. She is following her dreams and walking her path. She is making choices and seeing things in her personal and professional life that are making her question things that she used to hold dear. She is reinventing herself constantly as she garners more information and putting her new thoughts into her music just like we all do. Why stick to the old when you know different? I believe that the backlash is coming from a form of ownership. You know, the belief that only certain people should belong to this movement and others have no business speaking about the movement since they do not have the experience. My question really is, how can you know all that goes on in her life? How can you presume to know her journey? Yes, Beyonce has shown clearly that there is more to her than the good girl image, she’s shown that she enjoys being feminine but then she’s shown that beyond the image that she has more to offer. She has a brain, she has a life and she is courageous enough to put that all on the table and state, you know this is me. I am Beyonce. I have these issues. I see systems that make me want to pluck out all my eyelashes and weaves, and use those weaves and hit people over the head. I am just like you. How can you as a feminist knock her down? Shouldn’t the feminist or womanist movement be welcoming of all regardless of their backgrounds? I believe this is a call for a serious critique of these movements – some people seem to have lost the plot somewhere. To the question that many have been asking as they snarl their lips while listening to the music: is Beyonce a feminist? No, she isn’t a feminist. I will argue that she is a womanist. Beyonce isn’t advocating for equalization of the playing field, rather she is advocating for the overturning of the playing field and for women, in heels, red lipsticks who are sexy and sultry, who are in healthy relationships either with themselves or others, who have a brain and can think, to take over the world. Of course, I will encourage Beyonce to keep on learning more and defining and redefining herself. It is okay. I will end by asking: Who Runs The World? – Girls! Obviously, Beyonce is the Queenpin with her album, ‘Beyonce’ which sold more than 1 million copies in one week without any promotion from her. Bow Down!

Letter To My Younger Self.

Dear Younger Self,

What advice will I give my younger self?
a) Happiness:  Start early enough appreciating the little things.  Happiness does not come from attaining the major things but it often comes from the little things that we take for granted.  Smelt any new babies lately, smelt a rose, what of a chocolate chip cookie?  Okay, why is everything associated with smells?  But seriously, take time off to live in the moment instead of jumping into the next thing on the list.

 

b)The Road:  We all have our own individual roads and our individual speeds.  Though we all have the same destination, it is important that you see your road as your adventure and you get to see all that road has to offer.  Don’t let anyone guilt you into walking a path that isn’t part of your destiny.  Don’t let anyone shame you into being who you aren’t.  Be You at all times.

c) Expectations:  Expectations are dangerous.  As Africans we get leveled with expectations of who we are supposed to be, how we are supposed to think and what our lives really are supposed to be like.  That’s all good but make sure that these  expectations do not box you in. Listen carefully, thank them for their advice but then ask yourself if this is what you want to do.  Remember, you are the only one responsible for your life.  You are the only one that will deal with the consequences of any misstep.

d) Career:  You might be one of the lucky ones that finds their niche, works in it and stays in it for the rest of their lives but then you might be like many others who will walk several paths searching for that hat that fits.  That’s okay.   So long as you do not give up and you keep on learning and un learning.

e)Relationships:  As you get older, you will find it easier to accumulate acquaintances but very few friends.  You will find that you actually do enjoy your own company a lot and a Saturday night out might be a pain.  You will also find out that you do not really mind, taking a back pack and traveling on your own and that’s good.  Do remember that there is a time for everything.  This is the period to dance, hit the clubs and make as many mistakes as you can.  Just make sure that it isn’t the life changing ones though.  But remember to live.  Make friends with people with a different world view from you, this will ensure that your heart remains open towards all.  You do not want to be an older, grumpy lady with a close mind and trust me you will see many of those.

f) Love:  love is a crazy thing.  There are times that you will feel that you’ve met the love of your life and maybe, he is but do remember that even if it doesn’t work out – life and love does go on.  Keep it classy at all times.  Do not be scared to love fully and live in the moment. You will find out that as you get older, you stop really caring about people’s views about your life, your love and your experiences.

Do remember young me, that as important as it is to live in the future, it is important that you experience life fully with its ups and downs and  you do not try to escape anything that makes life…. life.

 

 

From The Older Me,

Me.

 

Nina Simone – Zoe Saldana Travesty

Nina Simone , was an American singer, songwriter, pianist, arranger, and civil rights activist widely associated with jazz music.  She created the standard and there are very few of today’s artists that can sing like she.   But, even after her death, she is still a controversial icon.

We were all super excited when we learnt that there will be a biopic about this icon and we wondered who will act the role of Nina Simone. We knew she had to be someone who LOOKED like Nina Simone as well as someone who can also sing.  Several names were thrown around and we seemed to have settled on Mary J. Blige as Nina Simone and then she canceled.   We, later learnt that Zoe Saldana will act in the role of Nina Simone.  Say what?

We were all flabbergasted at this choice.  What does an Afro Latina, non musician, lighter skinned and extremely beautiful woman have in common with Nina Simone?  We all know that Nina Simone was an African American, talented musician, darker skinned (as in can never ever be considered light) and quite homely.  So why, would Zoe Saldana who seems to be the complete antithesis of Nina Simone be chosen to represent this icon?  Trust me, we’ve all been asking, particularly since all the other actresses that all wanted to play that role all fit Nina Simone’s profile except of course the homely part.

Everything about the black woman is political from the tip of our hair all the way down to our toes.   There is nothing that divides the black race, particularly black women, than the issue of skin tone.  Even till today, lighter skinned blacks are considered uppity and perceived as being prettier but that’s people’s misconception.  It doesn’t help matters that Hollywood is awash with light skinned actresses who often seem to get the role compared to their more talented darker skinned sisters.  People are angry.  It becomes worse when we consider that Nina Simone was African American and not Afro Latina.  Not hating but just stating facts.  So I throw the question out there – what rational reason will they choose Zoe Saldana to play this part?

Personally, I think it is a travesty and the people who are putting this movie together need to get their heads together.  Many of the other contenders fit the part more than Zoe Saldana does.  Why would you choose someone to act a role when they do not fit the bill authentically?  That’s ridiculous on so many levels.   People should be giving roles based on how they fit the bill rather than how supposedly pretty they are.  Did I forget to add that Nina Simone’s daughter is also in the profession and she wasn’t consulted.  Everything about this biopic screams WRONG!

Last Updated ( Tuesday, 25 September 2012 10:12 )

On Child Marriages.

Before their wedding ceremony begins in rural Afghanistan, a 40-year-old man sits to be photographed with his 11-year-old bride. The girl tells the photographer that she is sad to be engaged because she had hoped to become a teacher. Her favorite class was Dari, the local language, before she had to leave her studies to get married.

She is one of the 51 million child brides around the world today. And it’s not just Muslims; it happens across many cultures and regions.

To read more click link :  link  (http://amanpour.blogs.cnn.com/2012/08/05/11-year-old-girl-married-to-40-year-old-man/?hpt=hp_t3)

By Samuel Burke

I am always horrified when I read stories of predators seeking young people for their sexual pleasures.  The other day, I read an article about men from all works of lives who were into child pornography but fortunately, the police was able to track them down and apprehend them.  I shook my head, thankfully, that in some society, the concept of childhood and ‘innocence’ still remains supreme.   But, then I go back and read articles like the one above and I am hit with horror that child marriages are culturally accepted practices in various parts of the world and those who defend and push forward these practices are parents whose sole responsibility should be protecting their children.  What gives?  I’ve often wondered, if it is an issue of finances – in that many of these young people are extra mouths in the house so by going into the new home, responsibility gets shifted, or could it be the bride price or groom price the family gets from the sale and purchase of these young children? Or could it be something simpler, that culture and man’s inability to dare to be different could be at work here.

I am sure that many parents have seen young girls, get married, get pregnant and go through complications of birth that leaves them unable to function as full members of society. In fact, in some societies, these young ladies with these complications are ostracized.  So, why would a mother put her child up for this knowing that the likelihood that this could be her daughter’s story ?  But, even though some mother’s think these in the dark of the night, the fear of being different, of being socially ostracized, of her lineage being discontinued is one that keeps these systems in place.

I could go on and on about these greedy people and their need to suck the youth out of young people but why should I?  You’ve probably said the same.  I think this is a wake up call to women.  The change that we seek in terms of our placement in society and the bargaining power that society gives us begins with us.  If you cannot dare to stand alone when you see something wrong, if you cannot dare to speak up when you know that what your society deems normative is actually wrong then we, as women, will remain stuck in the place that we’ve been placed. We will remain at a point in which we write posts like this one, add facebook pages and pass on images, shake our heads at the horror or maybe cry or pray for the young one whose innocence is gone. It starts from us.

It was with great joy that I read the part of the article that showed that more young women are stepping up and speaking up for themselves since their culturally blind family members are unable to do so.  They are seeking a divorce.  They are seeking a redress of past injustices.  They are seeking their voices and crying out for a return of their innocence and I applaud them.  I hope that religious organization do not decide that this is the point in which they start quoting passages that favor systems that hurt rather than build.

 

Questions:

 

What are your thoughts on child marriages?

Do you think that religious organizations should get involved in fighting this issue?

Do you think that there there is a way in which culturally accepted traditions can be changed?

What are your thoughts on culture and childmarriages?

 

Dear Women, Stop The Applause!

Dear Men and Women,

On Saturday, I was dancing through several people’s face book pages and I came across a picture of a white dad taking care of his black daughter’s hair.  His name is Frank Sommervile and he happens to be a reporter.  My first thought was how sweet particularly since I know  how careful you need to be to take off each braid bit by bit without breaking  her hair or causing pain.  Braids can be a pain.  But, imagine my surprise as I read the comments below the picture.  This guy was being heralded as the second coming of Christ as many women were amazed that a father will take care of his daughter’s hair.  Huh?

What gives?  Women have we set the standards so low that any normal contribution from a father is seen as a big deal.  Wow.  How many people grew up with dad’s that played house with them, dad’s that helped them with their homework and for many of us with a slight mischevious ilk when our toys weren’t enough,  how many of you turned your dad into a big doll?  I wasn’t really into dolls as a child but my sister was and I remember  that we climbed behind my daddy as he slept and braided his hair which we forgot to take out and he ended up taking that style to a function.  All he said when people asked him questions was that this was the hardwork of his daughters.  He said this with pride too.

Dear women, if you expect a guy to behave in a particular way, do not be surprised if he does.  If you do not set a standard of required behavior then don’t be surprised if we keep on getting men who do not know the meaning of love or what fatherly expectations are.Men who feel that bailing out on responsibility and leaving all responsibility in the hands of the mother is the way to go.

Dear women, what Frank did is normal.  He was taking care of his child.  A behavior that isnormal.  He was choosing to spend quality time with his child without the wrangling or drama  or the court actions  and that is normal.  His choice has nothing to do with his race rather it has to do with a characteristic of being a father, a characteristic that every man should have regardless of his color.

Dear men, I know that we’ve been told that there is a dirth in the amount of men out there.  In some parts of the world it is about 3 females to 1 male and this dirth has made many men believe that they are gods.  We’ve been told that certain behaviors that we expect from MEN will only come from whipped men who haven’t seen the light of day.  But, please realize that many women are waking up to the fact that there are behaviors that are acceptable and others that are unacceptable, so do not be surprised that as our daughters watch and learn that they are picking up ideas of what they won’t put up with and you might find out that in the future, that this dirth will just be a dirth and it won’t really be a factor in any decision that a female makes.  She will only date you, marry you or allow you to impregnate her if you fit the bill of responsibility, love and care.

A Different Perspective On The Karen Issue.

As usual, I promise to express my opinions based on facts irrespective of how annoying and aggravating it might be.  So, if you are one of those that gets easily annoyed and you have a problem handling differing opinions, I recommend reading some of the musical or hair posts on this site – you can find something for every mood here.

 

An overweight bus monitor, (Karen S.) who happens to be a grandmother was bullied on a school bus by a group of young teenage boys.  They called her names, made fun of her flabby stomach and made fun of how she talks.  She was so upset that she started crying.  Someone filmed the event and put it on youtube.  (Yes. Someone is always watching). This video made its rounds and it is currently at 7 million views on youtube.  There has been an outpouring of support that more than 500 000 dollars has been raised in apology for the incident.  Say what?  Yes.

 

Now, I do understand that being bullied is no fun walk in the park.   This incident has shown that bullies and being bullied isn’t only a child against child phenomena but it crosses age brackets. Of course, I have to ask the obvious question of what the bus driver was doing when this incident was going on?  Why didn’t  he/she speak up or try to control the situation but I digress.  There is an issue that is more pressing – what exactly are we teaching young children about money and the power of apology?

 

Yes, I do understand that this incident is harrowing.  I do understand that we feel sorry for her.  I do understand as well, that throwing money at the situation is a way of showing that we are supporting her against her bullies but what more are we saying?   Are we implicitly stating that when a situation occurs rather than fight back, we should sit down and cry?  Are we  teaching young children that money takes away all hurt and anger?  More importantly, are we throwing money at this woman to assuage our guilt at the hidden things that we’ve done and not apologized for.   Is this a way of confessing our sins in private?  It’s been said that the United States is a lawyer happy country because you can sue for everything and anything – is this incident actually supporting this concept of trivialities?
I repeat, I am not saying that the emotional horror that she suffered on that bus is something to be waved aside but rather I am asking that this incident should be a wake up call to parents as well as the educational sector.  Rather than throw money at the bus monitor – why not teach these children about the elderly and how to treat them?  Why not teach them that bullying is wrong?  In the same way that progressive companies have diversity programs, why not include such programs in schools, so that children learn about difference and how to appreciate it.

Colorism: The Hidden Blight In Our Society.

Can we all get along?  I am an ardent follower of certain personalities on YouTube.  I enjoy watching how they’ve progressed from novice to expert speakers.  Nothing thrills me more than actually listening to them speak with confidence on issues and things concerning them.

This weekend was just like another one,  I got myself ready to listen to a favorite you tuber, business woman and natural beauty aficionado and I was super excited to learn that she was going to discuss an issue that all women have had to deal with at one time or the other.  That is the issue of self esteem and how we can move beyond thinking poorly of ourselves to being strong and bold confident women despite our flaws. I loved her rawness and her ability to let her truth speak.

But, after listening to her speak, feeling a okay and empowered, the little men in my head started churning her words around.  As her words churned over and over in my mind – I hit pay gold and I wondered if we could all just get along.

It is no secret that race has played an important role in American history.  Even till today, race still divides us regardless of our willingness or our unwillingness to deal with this issue head on.  But, she went ahead to talk about the issues that exist amongst minorities and immigrant communities in which the color of our skin and our ethnicities often divides us.  She discussed this issue by putting it all down to the color of the skin.  Yes. The light skin vs dark skin dichotomy.  Please, give me five seconds to roll my eyes.


I come from a West African country in which light skin is implicitly stated as the standard of beauty.  Many women who are of a darker hue, often find themselves resorting to hydroquinine and other chemical means to get themselves a brighter yellow , more whitish skin.  For many women, they’ve sold themselves on this idea that light is actually better, prettier and will do all sorts of things to acquire that color even if it is at a cost to their skin and a higher probability of acquiring skin cancer.

Many conscious people have stood up in recent years to fight this mindset – we’ve definitely heard songs featuring the black woman, dark skinned, beautiful and goddess like.  We’ve heard of men often loudly eschew all lighter skinned women as they loudly espouse their preference for darker skinned, big boobed and big butted women  who represents Africa at least  in their minds.  Often times, I have wondered what happened to the others?

One will really think that since it is 2012, certain issues will not be part of our conversation anymore.  You know that we would have transposed this need to divide ourselves into light skinned and dark skinned.  That we would be able to think deeper, beyond generalities and beyond boundaries but that unfortunately isn’t the case.  We’ve learnt how to put a particular color on a pedestal while at the same time, making others of a different hue feel inferior and almost like second class material.

I know many on reading this will wonder if it isn’t about time that we set the standards of beauty on its head as we talk about the majority.  But, I will ask that as we set this standard of beauty on its head – we ask a certain question – at what cost?  I’ve often quoted that Africa is not a country.  Neither is African a particular  hair texture or hue.  We are as different from the East to the West and from the North to the South, that one will think that after millions of years of being on the continent, mixing with each other and mixing with externalities that we would be at a point in which we are embracing our differences and have started seeing our beauty in our difference but that isn’t the case.  We’ve learnt a new trait.  A converse trait in which we take the insecurities taught to us by our colonialists and turn it against ourselves.  We’ve learnt to view our lighter brothers and sisters as enemies and as people that we need to teach just to be like anyone else. You know bring them down a peg or two. This is also known as the crab mentality.

Let me remind you all that there is an African proverb that goes like this, “if you want to drag someone into the mud, you will need to remain within that mud to hold that person down’.  In the process of feeling better about our color and our Africanness, we’ve made others who are African but look slightly different feel less African about themselves.  So, basically, you’ve sold your brothers and sisters down the river just to lift yourself higher.  Almost like selling your townsfolk during the slave trade for money , power and fame. What does it profit you when you make others feel small so you can feel big?  Yes, the person might get some issues but at the end of the day – you’ve sold your soul.

It is interesting to note that in one of Beyonce’s older interviews, she discusses a similar issue.  She was so scared of what other people will say about her.  You know , lighter skinned people are considered stuck up that she locked herself up in her world and only came out to play when her talent kicked in and refused to let her stay hidden.  Basically, the Beyonce we saw was who she allowed come out on stage and when not on stage –she hid. She was extremely shy.  A familiar story that resonates on a personal level.

You see, we often spend an enormous amount of time listening and telling the story of others.  You know those that are marginalized because of how the media portrays certain colors that we often forget that there are others who are often dealing with the prisons that we throw them in and lock the doors.

We , as a community need to release ourselves from mental slavery.  We cannot truly be free until we give others their freedom to be, to enjoy who God created them to be and to be fully African without looking for some silly way to dig into their ancestry and make them seem less.

We, as a community need to learn to live and let live.  We are all Africans.  Africa is the birth place of civilization and the world.  Everything began from here.  All the different features and shades began from our continent.  We need to learn to accept that, love that and most importantly embrace that.

 

Befriend Your Husband’s Mistresses

The small house is reviled all over the world because of herplacement in society as part of society but also someone who  stays on the outskirts and dances on the fringes of propriety . She’s often accepted as the unofficial other wife without ceremony and blamed for a husband’s lack of care and attention to his official family.  Beyond that, she is often blamed for introducing sexually transmitted diseases into the home.

There are many reasons to explain the small house factor and why men have them.  These reasons range from the fact that they can,   a need for external succor,  love and for others it fulfils the need to have another woman at their beck and call. Many men with small houses often have other side distractions but in their case, it is clearly a choice when they choose to forego  preventive measures in their search for pleasure.

The problem really lies in today’s small house.  Gone are the days in which small houses were often solely faithful to their main benefactors but these days, because of the economy and also the aforementioned freedoms – many small houses have several benefactors.  The main one who is known to everyone and smaller ones’ which she keeps to herself.  Of course, this becomes problematic in societies where women are just recently gaining their voice in terms of their reproductive and sexual  health.  It is no surprise that the MP, a female said what she did.

HONORABLE THABITHA KHUMALO states that “ WOMEN must keep their husbands’ mistresses close in order to “safeguard their health”, an MDC-T lawmaker says. Thabitha Khumalo, the MP for Bulawayo East, says ALL men will cheat at some point – and it is up to their wives to strike an “understanding” with their mistresses to avoid transferring sexually-transmitted diseases”  (source)

Okay, let’s clap for her. I believe the MP has shown a clear understanding of the issue at hand which is that with the do as you want attitude allowed to African men, many will have multiple relationships at the  same time. That’s obvious but my  problem with her statement does not lie in her asking wives to play nice to curb the spread of HIV but rather my problem lies in where her statement is stemming from.  It is old knowledge, that the system of patriarchy is not only pushed forward by men but also by women who are the standard bearers of this institution. It is this woman with her statement that is saying that it is okay for men to have multiple relationships, it is okay for men to cheat and most importantly, that as women, we’ve to accept the status quo.  It is women like her that ensures that the system of polygamy still continues on till today – either officially or unofficially.

I have a problem with her statements because it places women on a pedestal in which we are forced to accept systems that do not aid our personal, spiritual or emotional goals.  We are held up to standards that men aren’t held up to.  Most importantly, we are punished if we do not follow the status quo.  Yes, that is, if women do not accept the fact that their men have external relationships then it is their fault whatever happens to them.  If women do not accept the small house, then she should be held responsible for whatever happens to her marriage or her health.  If women aren’t okay with this extra person in the relationship then she is being selfish.

I will repeat the same question I have asked several times – who sold us this lie?  Who told us that we need to be superhuman?  Who told us that we need to accept extra stressors in our relationships?  Why are we giving men this gap to have a laissez faire attitude towards their marriages or relationships?  Why must we accept it?

I ask that women start freeing themselves from the African mental slavery.  They really need to understand that though their role might be supportive, it should not be at the cost of their souls or peace of mind.  Any system that takes away a woman’s peace of mind should be shunned completely.

So prime minister, you got it wrong – you should have asked that men  do something revolutionary like play nice with their wives, keep it in their pants and remember, that whatever seems nice outside in the bush can  be created right at home. 

Children Gone Wild

For the past couple of weeks, we have been hearing stories about six years old misbehaving and getting arrested in school.  Now, when I say misbehaving, I do not mean you know cursing out their administrators and teachers, rather I mean tearing down  walls, throwing things at people and the works.  These children were so  out of control that the police had to be called in to arrest them.

Hmmm.  Pause. Thinking of scenario.  Were they holding weapons?

Okay, won’t digress here but what is really going on here?

We’ve heard of the terrible twos but do we have a terrible six too as well?

The educational system in the United States has become something else.  The kind of authority that teachers used to wield in the past is now completely obsolete.  Teachers, work in fear.  They can only correct a child within certain limitations but when dealing with a child that seems to be out of control (like these), these limitations become glaringly obvious.

This incident is a call to attention.   What powers do our educational administrators and teachers have?  Is there another way that they would have taken care of this situation without calling the cops? What do they have in place for situations such as these?